Pig-Snorting Primordial Cockjarls
The Pig-Snorting Primordial Cockjarls, often referred to as simply Cockjarls, are malevolent gods who inhabit the evil hell dimension of Marzipanis. They are widely considered the "demons" to the Muscle Clubbers' "angels", and are associated with malicious and evil practices. The Cockjarls were originally founded by Chungus, the god of Death and taboo sex arts. Though he is recognized as their chief, each Cockjarl is largely allowed to act on their own devices and methods. Each Cockjarl is lord over a realm of Marzipanis, known as a Plane. Each Plane of Marzipanis is tailored to it's respective Cockjarls' sphere of influence, and is home to a variety of Lesser Demons. Though most Lesser Demons are without affiliation, specific types of Demons are employed by the Cockjarls who rule the Planes they live in. These Demons are all arranged into a hierarchy, which serves the "court" of the Cockjarl. The Cockjarls are also tended to by their Stewards, effectively a second-in-command who advises them on their endeavors. Cockjarls can be killed and usurped by entities equal or greater in power than them, and entities powerful enough can take empty seats in the pantheon. List of Pig-Snorting Primordial Cockjarls * Chungus - The Jarl of Death and Taboo Sex Arts - An enigmatic creature who at first appears to be a regular demon, Chungus is one of the most powerful, mysterious, and dangerous entities in 5CR56-Beta. Allegedly the bastard son of Chungo and an alternate timeline's Scrungus, Chungus gained his power from the death of a previous universe. ** His Steward is Duck Corkscrew Sauce, a demonic chef who has mastered the taboo fucking arts. ** Chungus' Plane of Marzipanis is Anal Hell, where victims are subjected to ceaseless anal torment. Despite it functioning as his personal realm, it is not actually located within Marzipanis. ** His associated artifact is the Fingerbang Gauntlet. * DARK LORD GAL - The Jarl of Abhorrence- A cthonian elder god, DARK LORD GAL is a member of the shady and little-understood race of extradimensional entities known as the Dark Lords. He encompasses the spheres of fear and disgust, and derives pleasure from the suffering of mortals, no matter the cause. He is apparently the "father" of Dark Lord Autismose and Dark Lord Snagjhart, though the specific of this relationship are unclear. ** DARK LORD GAL's Steward is his demigod son, Dark Lord Autismose, a flying saucer tank monstrosity that makes demonic monkey noises, crashes cymbals, and blares air raid siren noises. Autismose is more akin to a court jester than an actual right-hand man. ** DARK LORD GAL's Plane of Marzipanis is Stænçhë, a gigantic circus surrounded by a dilapidated, misty theme park. The realm is almost entirely uninhabited, save for false statues of Dark Lord Autismose that lurk around every corner. * Die Sauere - The Jarl of Sour - A kaleidoscope monster, Die Sauere was once the sun of a system named Sol. When the tiki monster Mabingi pissed on the solar system, the sun was zero-summed. The star somehow resisted turning into a mindless black hole, and became a sentient kaleidoscope. The surrounding area, Goblin Space, begat the Goblins. He is patron to the Goblins, and is lord of all things sour. He is the father of Citron von Matchlock. ** Die Sauere has had several Stewards in the past. His current Steward is Goblin Satan . ** Goblin Space, while existing within 5CR56-Beta, is also part of Marzipanis due to Sauere's machinations. As it is his lordship, it is his Plane of Marzipanis. ** Sauere's associated artifact is the Goblin Kok. * Dwarven Gun Centurion - The Jarl of Gun - A Dwemer Animunculi, the Dwarven Gun Centurion was accidentally brought to 5CR56-Beta by the machinations of the Asswagons, who also gave it a gun by mistake. The Gun Centurion is mistress of all things gun, and is the mother of Citron von Matchlock. ** The Gun Centurion's Steward is Kagrenzel, a devoted follower of the Second Amendment. ** Her Plane of Marzipanis is The Gun Shop, a gun store which is infinite in size. Trapped victims have formed an anarchist pseudo-society of bandit clans within it's walls. ** Her associated artifact is the Dick Revolver. * Bargas Grisdjuret - The Jarl of the Mankies - The combined oversoul of most of the Manky Warlords, Bargas Grisdjuret was created specifically to save the Warlords from destruction at the hands of Dark Lord Bungus. He is patron god of the surviving Mankies, and tends to their afterlife, the Stinkhole. ** Bargas is unique in that his minions are not organized into any hierarchy; if it is a Manky in the Stinkhole, it is his underling, no ranks involved. ** His Plane of Marzipanis is the Stinkhole, a dim, foggy realm characterized by crag spires and wide deadlands. It is the afterlife of the Mankies, and as such is home to many Manky bandit groups vying for resources. ** Grsidjuret's associated artifact is the Foul Cutlass, a sword created from most of the Warlords' previous weapons. List of former Cockjarls *'Dinguskl - The Jarl of Garbage and Trash' - A former friend of DARK LORD GAL, Dinguskl was tyrant of trash, emperor of ennui, and god-king of garbage. He oversaw the Ripping Wett Slopper, the universal dumping ground. Dinguskl was eventually killed by the Lime Libtard, who sought to further the House of Lime's influence. **His Plane of Marzipanis was the Ripping Wett Slopper, a gigantic dumping ground where everything lost in the multiverse ends up. It still operates to this day, even in the absence of it's god-king. It is home to many demonic scavengers. *'The Lime Libtard - The Jarl of Political Correctness' - The head of the Goblin House of Lime, the Lime Libtard rose to power when Die Sauere orchestrated a conspiracy to gain further influence in Marzipanis. He groomed a Goblin named Limer to become his champion, but in the process of toxicizing him, accidentally made him too toxic. The Libtard was responsible for the death of Dinguskl, and was later killed by DARK LORD GAL when Dark Lord Bungus dethroned the Libtard from Marzipanis. Category:Gods Category:Metaphysics Category:Cockjarls